Touch Anything Except Me

10 stories about things not working out at all the way you had planned.

Excerpt: It's raining on prom night and people are pretty sad. They are worried about what will happen to their dresses or cummerbunds. They all agree it looks pretty dorky to be using an umbrella on prom night. They want to just emerge from their limos and sweep into the ballroom and be all magical and luscious, but how are they supposed to do that if it's raining? Plus: limited visibility due to rain. Increased likelihood that there will be a few fender-benders. I mean let's face it, the roads will be a little more slippery. They want to remember prom night as the night Johnny finally said "I love you." Or as the night they lost their virginity. (Their ACTUAL virginity: hand-jobs don't count.) They do not want to recall prom night as the evening Holly was crushed under a bus while wearing the pink taffeta one from Swellegance FormalWear. Not at all.

Originally published in 2004.

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